i'm loved for who i am.

This is disturbing.

I've no idea why i'm so disturbed since this is a fact of life. Life goes on, no matter who you are. Even if you're hurt, sadded or just affected, that would not deprive you of your own life. We will continue to live on our lives like before, as though none of this had happened. Maybe we are unwilling to be reminded again and again. Or maybe we thought it will go away sooner or later, which it probably will. But it is scary, how easily our memory fails us and strikes us again just at the right moment. We should be out of the whirlpool, but i thought some of us, at least some will be climbling. Yet, what a fascade is it to see teleportations to occur. A word, a message. Then, no more. For it has engraved in the hearts as an etch-plantation?

recess week is over :(
so my busy days start reoccurring...
hope i could survive everything.

slept for more than 12hours yesterday and woke up to see all the comments on fb.
and then, some more confirmation.
that is when i realise what is happening and how true is everything.

shocked not because it was unheard of, but unexpected.
that it'll happen to someone around us. so near to us.
imagine if it was someone even closer...

while we pity and scrutinise the unworthiness of the act, we overlooked the courage needed to reach this decision. he may be at fault, but what's done can no longer be reversed.

someone commented,
one year ago, we gathered to receive our results.
one year later, we gathered for a different cause.
while i'm not there personally or related personally.
i feel the loss of a young talented kid with a bright future.

for why, we do not ask.
because it is no longer important.
it's like a piece of cold fact slapped into your face.
reminding you, how cruel the world can be.
and how fragile every single of us is.

其实，并没带走什么。
只留下一堆遗憾。
给身边重要的人，
加剧痛苦与伤害。

没有什么应不应该，只有值不值得。

或许，将来，可能的、可以的。
都已被摧毁。
而始作俑者却是自己。

hmph, busy busy week!!!
i still thought i could catch up on my work >.< ohmans...

and my body's playing jokes with me.
how exactly will i not feel tired?
can the normal body return...it feels really hard to focus like this :(
do i need to exercise to bring the endorphins out???

and i should be going to myanmar for overseas cip this holiday...like something i should have done long ago.
but finally, i'm that close to doing it.

haha, just now accompany mao to buy crystal prawns from home breeder...then, the home breeder is my primary school friend. hahaha :) what a coincidence lo :)

and i should be off to tune my body clock...

yay!!! finally, the recess week is here! :)
although it still means lots and loads of work, but i still look forward to at least the part that there's no lesson :)

was on duty for the balloon sculpting workshop on tuesday :)
great experience!!!! i did my own balloon flower bouquet :)
and seeing dk doing stupid and childish stuff make it even more fun.
plus, mao came over to do also. haha :)

then next day, is mao's bday! haha, and the cheapo me decided to give him the balloon i made the day before :) can see his face when i said that. haha. but of course, me will feel ultra guilty not preparing any vday or bday present. so, was chionging his present on the day itself...but at last, it was done (not bad lar >.<) then, we went over to kiseki with his family and sister's bf to celebrate his bday lo. eat super super full. haha :)

MY DRIVING TEST IS COMING!!! XP
omg, i can totally feel the excitement in me.
if i pass, i can drive le! yayayayayayayay!
actually, i'm not sure why am i so happy over it.
but i know i am really happy :)

with bliss and luck XP

it's only been less than a week since i last posted. yet, so many things had happened...

before i can take some rest as i thought, i was so busy once again, leaving myself with average of 3-4hours sleep for the past one week. was chiong-ing all sorts of assignments, especially the critical writing on thursday. A big big thanks to ying and xh who pei me till so late and prevented me from going near my bed and ko. So nice of them :) and not forgetting mao who delivered supper at like 4am, for the hungry me >.< bleah :)

watched SPRING AWAKENING with qa on saturday. the show is damn nice. really! haha, but too bad qa had to do a report and couldn't enjoy the show as much :( mao brought us over to swee chun and we did summary of the show till 2+ when we finally leave for home >.< super nice maomao waited for us and sent us home. yay!! :)

was involved in the nanyang art showcase today, totally different feeling, not a good one though, from opening ceremony. feels overwhelmed, partly. and pissed, partly. though i don't show and say, it doesn't mean i don't feel any emotions. and at a time like this, when my mood is not exactly good, it don't take that much to irritate me.

it has only been four days, but yet it seems like eternity to me.

on 19/2:

从未拥有过，又何来的失去呢？
只是有缘相见，却无缘相识。
属于生命里的过客。

你还是要幸福，我才能确定我的选择没错。
只是有一种“错过了就再也不会有下次”的感觉
遗憾, 绝对存在的。

then still on 19/2:

滞留在原地，不停地打转。
该如何前进，能破茧而出。
该如何放弃，当未曾发生。
不停地堆叠，不停地累积。
可总有一日，得面对一切。
负荷不过时，又能如何呢。
是自己选择，莫能怪他人。
或许只希望，时间能淡化。

又或许可能，想逃离枷锁。

then today:

痛心，绝对不是一种错觉。
后悔，却再也不能够挽回。

或许，是自己太傻太犹豫。
再然，是天时地利人不合。

只愿，幸福快乐降于它身。
这样，才能说服自己放下。

and somemore:

好伤心、好痛苦。

我绝对不要再重犯了。
这种感觉一次就够了。
再一次会不能承受的。

if missing something that i never develop further relationship with it is that hard...
then what about those that are already around me?

maybe it'll take just a few seconds
maybe it'll take just a few minutes
maybe it'll take just a few hours
maybe it'll take just a few days
maybe it'll take just a few weeks
maybe it'll take just a few months
maybe it'll take just a few years
for it to finally go away.

if that's the case, i'll wait for the day to come.
and while waiting, i'll occupy myself with other things.
if the day never comes, then i'll continue to fill my emptiness with other stuffs.

maybe that's why i always have the feeling that i'm getting emptier as i grow up...

happy happy vday! :)
it's been two years since i celebrated vday in school, my own, since the previous was in fuhua primary. haha. miss the whole life in secondary/jc school. fun and enjoyment makes the work seemed less hard and tedious.

my first valentine with mao. cheat me, say don't need prepare present le. still go buy so many things >.< somemore, a lot bought from my school (cheat people money or support friends) now, me become guilty. haha, never prepare stuff. but i'm super busy this week :( haha, but nice lo. to receive the presents :) plus i got  a heart-shaped helium balloon from the NBS week people to ask us go support :) nice nice :)

cannot stand the singtel dilly dally people so i went to collect the sim card in store myself. haha. and now, my chaotic scheduling of life has become easier, though still hard...

and a pleasant surprise XP

although results in not-so-pleasant effect >.< haha :)

and i still have so many things to complete :(
which is the reason why i'm still up at this hour.
but surprisingly, i don't feel the tiredness kicking in.
so, is today the day i finally can start work...
seriously, please flow in...my inspiration!
i need you >.<

off to start work :)
hope i can produce something *cross fingers*

busy busy week >.<
was deprived of sleep over the last few days and i can feel my body condition going down :(
but i still have so much thing to complete and i expect myself to continue be deprived of sleep :(
NAF opening ceremony was on friday, quite nicely done i guess since i'm stuck in the holding room, not able to watch any part of the ceremony (but i watched the video though). this is the price to pay for being comfortably seated in the room. anyway, a sigh of relief for the end of the opening ceremony. though this is not the end, but it is finally starting. like a long torture. me really need a good rest someday.

and i lost my phone today :(

sadded. not over the phone, but the photos and stuff inside :( haish. i wish i can get the memory card back. i wouldn't care so much about if that's the case. my friends all offering their phone to me. how nice :) me have good friends :)

dunno why recently i keep singing the song 还是要幸福. maybe i shall train and sing it at kbox one day :)
for now, i shall to clear as much as i can.

有时候，努力和用意不一定会排在一起。
不知不觉中，某一些事自然而然会得到更多的注意力。
无心插柳柳成荫。或许就是这样吧。

it's february already and i have yet realise time passes this fast >.<
it has been busy and getting to become worse but nothing can stop anything, at least within my control.

should i be leaving my lappy alone.
where everything else should end there.
but we can't forsake everything in life.
for some you'll never turn your back against them.

that's life.

another long break from blogging...was busy with the new year. first time ever,

it's been sooooo many days since i last posted. so many things happened. too much of stuffs i guess.

firstly, i've book my driving test already!!! gonna be on 14/3 at 2.45pm :)
hope i can pass on first try. if not need more $$

went to eat dim sum buffet at toa payoh with sx, qa and zy. fy pangseh us, go other place eat buffet. haha.
damn full. we always do the same thing over again and again. no matter how much we grumble, we still will eat buffet next time. haha.

went bugis. bought a dress and a pair of shoes. bought shoes cause mine was spoilt :(
wanted to buy another dress, but the shopkeeper refuse to iron it for me. so sian. in the end, i didn't buy >.<
haha, attitude is a big part of sales :)

did garang guni again but is at toa payoh this time. still again so far >.<
think that those kids really sad as compared to the last batch since they did more but still get same amount.
went over to lorong 4 to eat the pasta. still as nice as ever, the potato ice-cream.

which brings me back to yesterday. i ate the alex v pasta again. but i like the fish n chips more. omg, the fish, i think first time something like fish n chips will make me crave >< then, because we complained about the standard of the garlic bread, the uncle wanted to let us have the soup foc. haha, in the end, we make him only charge us lesser, not foc lo. bleah :) nice nice :) then, went over to 捞鱼生 with mao's family since they eating nearby. haha, interesting to see how all the ingredients are named since it's not a habit in my family.

just saw a double rainbow :) super big. it's from one end to the other. lucky lucky =P

and it's such a bliss XP

she's one of the kind in the world
a typical gemini with her two extreme self
an ambivert - half introvert and half extrovert
but she loves the world...the way nature works it's way out
she can be found nowhere and everywhere, wherever you want it to be
she's kinda cheerful there
yet kinda emo here
hope you'll love her, 'cause she'll be happy to love you too
'cause the nicest things on earth are her favs