hibernates

2012-02-12T20:36:00.000+08:00

busy busy week >.<
was deprived of sleep over the last few days and i can feel my body condition going down :(
but i still have so much thing to complete and i expect myself to continue be deprived of sleep :(
NAF opening ceremony was on friday, quite nicely done i guess since i'm stuck in the holding room, not able to watch any part of the ceremony (but i watched the video though). this is the price to pay for being comfortably seated in the room. anyway, a sigh of relief for the end of the opening ceremony. though this is not the end, but it is finally starting. like a long torture. me really need a good rest someday.

and i lost my phone today :(

sadded. not over the phone, but the photos and stuff inside :( haish. i wish i can get the memory card back. i wouldn't care so much about if that's the case. my friends all offering their phone to me. how nice :) me have good friends :)

dunno why recently i keep singing the song 还是要幸福. maybe i shall train and sing it at kbox one day :)
for now, i shall to clear as much as i can.

有时候，努力和用意不一定会排在一起。
不知不觉中，某一些事自然而然会得到更多的注意力。
无心插柳柳成荫。或许就是这样吧。

2012-02-06T09:02:00.001+08:00

it's february already and i have yet realise time passes this fast >.<
it has been busy and getting to become worse but nothing can stop anything, at least within my control.

should i be leaving my lappy alone.
where everything else should end there.
but we can't forsake everything in life.
for some you'll never turn your back against them.

that's life.

2012-01-29T19:58:00.000+08:00

another long break from blogging...was busy with the new year. first time ever,

normally i'll stay home and rot. then, i'll feel too bored and in turn clear some work at the same time.

but this year, first day went bai nian with mao. then second day, his sis came over with him.

which is why i'm getting extra cash from the angbaos this year :)

finished watching 步步惊心！

haha, chiong and chiong. 'cause i know myself too well.

hang in there will only make my focus level suffer even more.

went over to fy's house yesterday. super funny session.

we didn't even manage to get out of the house to eat dinner.

ended up with delivery. haha.

DECONTAMINATION FAILED!

haha, all the self destructions we do serve as entertainment for others :)

有时候，质疑自己拥有的一切。

甚至，落得不堪的后果。

明知其中之道理，却无法抽身。

执意，未必是好。

既来之，则安之。

2012-01-21T18:56:00.000+08:00

it's been sooooo many days since i last posted. so many things happened. too much of stuffs i guess.

firstly, i've book my driving test already!!! gonna be on 14/3 at 2.45pm :)
hope i can pass on first try. if not need more $$

went to eat dim sum buffet at toa payoh with sx, qa and zy. fy pangseh us, go other place eat buffet. haha.
damn full. we always do the same thing over again and again. no matter how much we grumble, we still will eat buffet next time. haha.

went bugis. bought a dress and a pair of shoes. bought shoes cause mine was spoilt :(
wanted to buy another dress, but the shopkeeper refuse to iron it for me. so sian. in the end, i didn't buy >.<
haha, attitude is a big part of sales :)

did garang guni again but is at toa payoh this time. still again so far >.<
think that those kids really sad as compared to the last batch since they did more but still get same amount.
went over to lorong 4 to eat the pasta. still as nice as ever, the potato ice-cream.

which brings me back to yesterday. i ate the alex v pasta again. but i like the fish n chips more. omg, the fish, i think first time something like fish n chips will make me crave >< then, because we complained about the standard of the garlic bread, the uncle wanted to let us have the soup foc. haha, in the end, we make him only charge us lesser, not foc lo. bleah :) nice nice :) then, went over to 捞鱼生 with mao's family since they eating nearby. haha, interesting to see how all the ingredients are named since it's not a habit in my family.

just saw a double rainbow :) super big. it's from one end to the other. lucky lucky =P

and it's such a bliss XP

2012-01-07T23:53:00.000+08:00

went to timbre at the art house with sl yesterday for dinner.
pricing was ok since we ordered during the happy hour plus is combo.
haha, but the amount is sufficient to feed at least one more person >.<
and the band there not bad, though they started late but had their break on time.

by the way, had my 8th driving lesson before the dinner :) that was fast :)
and it's really getting smoother. hope i'll maintain this for the next week's lesson since it quite a few days apart.
i shall monitor my own progress again...should i chiong or should i wait to take the test? o.O

went to do garang guni today at bishan. BISHAN, so far away :(
lucky we end earlier, if not i don't think i can take it lo >.<
went to J8 with ying to shop before dinner, then i realised theire more than words sell soft toys cheaper >.<
so tempting >.< there's a bear that is at least 1.5m to maybe to 2m, which cost 125 bucks. omg lo. but i bring home, the bear sure get thrown out. so sad >.< then i saw a THE DOG soft toy, selling at 29.90. when i went over to mini toons, i saw the exact same dog, same size, selling at 49.90. what a difference lo. shows how much gross profit they actually earn from us. tsktsk.
then, we ate pastamania as dinner, which reminds me of the godly pasta at alexandra village >.<
we shall try it someday :)
was falling asleep on way back and didn't realise that ying left the train >.< opps...
too tired i guess.

so, i shall be off to get my beauty sleep :)

oh, and this reminds me that i'm going to learn japanese officially this semester.
yay!!! :)
somemore, i just learned that xh taking too :)
we shall spam it then. hehe.
spams~

2012-01-05T19:45:00.000+08:00

today's driving was smoother, nonetheless, i still did stupid things like turning right when my instructor say make an u-turn. opps again >.<

hectic life starting. i see all the preparation work coming, but i can do none. haha. 'cause all need pre-reading, and i have yet to get all the notes and stuff ready. me, the not-so-organised uni student :)

perfect.
is not something that we should run after.

2012-01-05T12:21:00.000+08:00

yesterday's driving was disastrous >.<
did nothing, absolutely nothing right :(
hope today will be a much much better day >.<

school's starting and things are getting piled up.
good luck, gal.
and stop making yourself suffer.
with all kinds of stuff you'd wish for,
but hope it never came true.

2012-01-01T14:10:00.000+08:00

Happy 2012!!! although this year feels damn normal.
ever since i left school, new year is like nothing special, since i'm not gonna start school the next day either.
maybe when i start work, i will feel the difference then.

continued my driving lessons yesterday :)
the instructor is naggy but good :)
reduced my swaying, which is good :)
and seriously, i enjoyed my driving lesson :)

room packed, or should i say, rearranged?
but it's much neater now, with free spaces all around XD
like finally :)
i hope this would be maintained :)

school's gonna start soon...
and it would mean another battle.
plus the lots of extra stuff adding on.
ganbarimasu!

2012年，没许下什么愿望。
只想平平安安、快快乐乐。

我庆幸，我拥有。
就算再苦再累，只要告诉自己。
已经得到很多、拥有很多了。
其他的就不算什么。
一直在乎得不到的东西，还不如多花心思在已拥有的东西上。
那样还会快乐一些呢。

绚丽的烟花

2011-12-31T01:57:00.000+08:00

went to watch mission impossible - ghost protocol with ying yesterday.
omg, so stress watching the movie. it's like so scary, when it's not a horror movie.
but nonetheless, it's still a nice movie with nice plot :)

hopped round the town today with cousin.
the central --> outram lamian --> plaza sing --> isetan
shagged but bagged quite alot of stuffs :)

gonna continue on my driving lessons :)
starting later :)

and i shall try to get the rest i missed these days.

2011-12-28T01:43:00.001+08:00

lagging in posting once again >.<
my another cousin is in Singapore :) (people must be wondering how many cousins i have and why are they coming out one after another? haha)
went around the Singapore once again. deja vu.
lagging in my driving lessons also.
and i realise in my third lesson that i can't drive straight. omg >.<
like i cannot stay in my own lane, so dangerous lo.
haish, i shall jiayoux as i continue.

had a gathering with the pipa juniors yesterday. was expecting a big group.
then i realise only up to year 4s. all the rest junior not invited. haha :)
cause they say not close. i guess not much bonding took place since i left.
suddenly reminds me of how i brought the whole section together, like miraculously.
heard a few scandalous stuff that happened in school, but it feels less of an impact.
maybe cause i know none of them, or maybe because i left.
not much of the strong sense of belonging that used to bind us.
ate alot of ice-cream yesterday and today. 1+3+1+2 scoops (although some is shared lo)

people changed, feelings changed.
then, what are those left unchanged?

by the way, also forgot to mention that i bought a tablet, motorola xoom, with my own money recently.
although it cost quite a bit, but since it's quite worth it, it feels better :)
and there's lots of plus points, like letting mum play on it rather than my laptop which is harder to use :)
ok, they are saying i'm using that as an excuse to buy it for myself.
but the initial thought of buying, really is for my mum :)
though after purchase, i played with it as well >.<
and on that same day, i had my laptop skin pasted :)
found the nice skin that i saw some time ago :)
although it is blue in colour, which theoretically does not suit my pink laptop, i still like it :)
then again, i must clear the misunderstanding that my favourite colour is red or pink.
actually, i do not exactly have a favourite colour but i like a range of colours :)
one of friend used an apt description, the colours of snow-skin mooncakes.
is the baby colour range that attracts me the most, then bright colours :)
but as for the colours of things that i owns, it's actually decided by comparing the different colours offered by the product itself.
and the shades of colour is often a more determining factor than the actual colour. plus i do not usually take white stuff although i think they are super nice because it's easy to get dirty. and once it's dirty, it's no longer nice :(
but sometimes, i'll still take white >.< too nice already.

and now, some more ranting >.<
i'm like damn long winded. haha.

why is everything coming back again?
it feels as if the clock has turn back in time.
and i'm back to square one again.
once again, i'm thrown into an unknown turmoil.
lost, i tried to find my way out.
but the more i find, the more i'm trapped.
within the space where nothing holds.
and where tipping points are reached.
driving people insane.
unknowingly insane.

小时候最不喜欢说的两句话，长大后竟成为自己的口头禅。
好可怕。

其中一句，小时候觉得说了没什么用处，都不能改变什么，所以不喜欢说。
长大了，其实也没变。一样不能改变什么。但大家都以为，至少能改变一些些东西吧。或者说，大家希望它能改变什么，甚至相信它的确是有一定的作用，所以不断使用。长大后，竟然比小时候更天真，更没法看清世界。随着别人，成长，并非全然的好。

而另一句，小时候觉得没必要，只要能懂得心领就好了，所以也不喜欢说。
直到有一天，我发现自己的这一句话，竟然能带给其他人快乐。从此，就认为应该常挂在嘴边，无形中让其他人能快乐一些。长大后，又发现人们变得更迟钝、更加否定眼前的一切。所以必须更直接的表达和再三的确认。

成长带给我们的改变，应该是好是坏呢？
是借口，还是理由？

当有一天，望着镜中的自己，却再也找不到曾经的自己时，你会有什么感触呢？

2011-12-22T01:32:00.000+08:00

just checked results as reminded by the many updates on facebook.
and i'll pronounce again that, I TOTALLY HATE FM.
drag my CGPA down like madness, hate it hate it.
C+ leh, 2.50 leh. sian leh.

totally hate it.
when everything else is like okay, the hateful FM.
why :(
cannot take my eyes off the C+ le.
like that i need more to push my grades up ><
super sad. when nothing else screwed up.
and this one hateful FM.
I HATE FM.
HATE FM.
HATE IT.

i shall tell myself. at least the others all okay.
lucky, if not i really die lo :(
need to push grades up to at least 4.
4 leh. remind me the HATEFUL FM again.
if not for that 2.50, would have well pass the mark :(
now must ganbatte more le.
sianness. totally.
let me hit 4 next semester bah.
dun really want to drop my double degree.
plus, if i drop, will need drop accounting.
cox is lower grade.
sianness. FM SUCKS.

FM, you SUCK.

2011-12-21T01:23:00.000+08:00

gonna whack another lesson later. took every available lesson in the schedule ><
i'm going to chiong for it :)
and will be able to drive, someday ><

can't believe it.
and yet, it's the truth.

2011-12-20T01:02:00.004+08:00

had my first lesson of driving.
everything ok, except that i step brake super hard.
the instructor say turn, then i step brake and turn at the same time >.<
i've a problem in coordinating my legs to synchronise with my hands.
and stop putting so much strength in stepping ><

i wish all to be smooth sailing.

2011-12-19T02:03:00.000+08:00

super lag in posting.
went in to malaysia for 5 days, 4 days spent in kl.
enjoyed life :)
sometimes, when you know more, it's not necessary a blessing.

gonna start my first driving lesson later :)
finally, i'm learning it.

the tuning of my body is weird, totally.
i'm like waking up more than two times while sleeping.
screwed >.<

arrogant fool.

2011-12-01T20:51:00.002+08:00

last paper today but things aren't like they've ended.

went out with ying to k and saw lt with her sister.

haha, the ten toppings of sour sally and i wonder how filled the cup would be.

getting fever, although is not as serious as two nights ago, it still feels quite bad.

but i'm doing nothing to stop my body from turning bad.

totally neglecting it. and it suddenly feels like being sick can end anything.

if not for the uncomfortable feeling, i may choose to be sick.

at least, do nothing to stop it coming.

but i'm just so afraid of death, pain and everything else that come with it.

so ironic. it's me again.

anyway, i was pondering about this issue of how we are educated.

i came to realise that our education system, which is highly regarded, seems to mimic that of the natural selection process. through the various levels and forms of national examination, we are being divided and streamed in accordance to our presumable capability, in terms of academic though. then, as we move up, more and more elimination occurs. from there on, they are removed from the main bulk to join on a separate path, though the final destination is still the same. eventually, what is left of the majority becomes the minority, where selection occurs within the few that are selected. but what we are always told is that the selection is not to dictate the success in life. however, it is undeniable that it aids to success, most probably personal success in life. yet again, likewise to that it is necessary for natural selection to occur, one can argue the necessity for such selection too. there is no absolutely good or bad things, only better and worse.

and i've only stated what i believe as my humble opinion.

please do not be offended.

2011-11-28T21:01:00.000+08:00

i seem to forget to say that, my cousin have been with me these few days.
going back tomorrow.
was accompanying her to quite some places in Singapore, but still too few to say though.
and i suddenly miss doing something.

totally neglecting my studies, especially the hateful fm ><
but i'm simply not doing much either.
how long can i run guilt-free?

要拾回破裂的碎片，需要好长的时间。
但若要拼凑回的话，几乎不可能。
所以绝不要让任何东西碎掉。

闭上眼睛，不代表看不见。
捂起耳朵，不代表听不见。
就算不看不听，还是一样。
能够感受得到。因为用心。

想不去理会，又难免会去理会。
矛盾的人啊。真矛盾。

2011-11-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

nice nice day out yesterday after my IT paper :)

had great meal, plus the best part of all, enjoy starry starry night for free :)
haha, though i think the movie is as random as the book by the original author
and we got another pair of complimentary passes. woooo~
buy 1 get 2 free. haha :)
suddenly gv has one of the best customer service that i know =P
aha, super cheapo and bias me >.<

the movie tickets with complimentary passes :) look at the $0!!!

cute bear bear (it's actually quite small, a key-chain)

the actual thing with the bicycle :) by these able people :)

幸運な
everything's fine.
大丈夫

2011-11-20T16:50:00.000+08:00

life's never gonna be easy.
it is a fact of life.
yet again, if life's gonna be easy.
would you still live the best out of it?

没有所谓完美不完美，只有所谓真实不真实。
不真实的完美，还不如真实的不完美。

accept vs embrace
接受还是包容?

是个大大的问题哦。

2011-11-19T15:46:00.000+08:00

有时候，人就是这样。
带着有色的眼光看东西。
一下子，天灰了。
分不清，真与假。
因为，眼睛所看到的。
已偏离了。

乌云散去，天依然是灰灰的。
因为选择继续透过灰窗看世界。
是自己选择如此。
何非怪他人呢？

无论是对是错，无论是你是他。
一样，都一样。

2011-11-16T23:41:00.014+08:00

how many times would i be reminded,
that i'm a super blessed gal =)

when everything goes super smoothly for you,
will you sometimes wonder why has it been so?
will you sometimes wonder how long will it go?
will you sometimes wonder if it is just luck?
will you sometimes wonder if it is fate?

when it reaches the extreme, you suddenly feel as if you've lost total control of your life.
when in fact, you've not.
simply ironic people with ironic ideas :)

sometimes.
in control is just a perspective =)

and i'm indeed lucky.
*start counting all the people who contributed to my life to convince myself, then i gave up counting, 'cause it's uncountable...too much to be counted XP
i'd would miss everyone, every single one who came into my life and made the small or big change in me.
even if one day i'd forget you, i would never forget the impact you left in me :)

2011-11-14T00:17:00.000+08:00

girl, you need to change that attitude.
if not, you're in for a big surprise.

i can say for sure though...
it won't be that pleasant.

2011-11-12T00:34:00.000+08:00

on 11/11/11, i did a awesome presentation.
the awesome part is not about the actual presentation, but the process of preparing it.
it was like one day before presentation and we still do not know the parts we are going to present.
wow :) but it didn't go that badly either :)

today's the last day of lessons for semester one!
it seems really so fast...
i agree with yt's point that it resembles jc days, where we ended lessons but not exams.
but uni is far far more packed in any way.
all sorts of content throwing in short periods of time.
pushing people off their limits i guess.

hurt my back :(
and it hurts :(
shall be a demure gal with small actions these few days.
till it recover. niahaha =P

2011-11-09T03:01:00.000+08:00

hoh my god, my body clock is totally screwed >.<
sleeping at 9+ is all well and good, but waking up at 1+ means another thing.
and i'm getting weird weird nightmares (as you would call it) that are waking me up :(
which were never a big problem to me. rawr.
i thought i sleep like a pig and throughout the night :/
hmph, don't like waking in between 'cause it just mean i didn't have quality sleep.

oh wells, i guess that's why babies have the most out of sleep.
unaffected by external environments.
unlike us :(

i want to sleep like a baby once more...
be a big baby. haha =P

off to sleep, again.

2011-11-08T11:40:00.002+08:00

times like this when i should be putting focus into things.
and i start to lose even more of that focus.

if 初めて is all to it, then why is there every-time?
because we always want to be reminded.
and retain those initial feelings you've had.
but people don't treasure as much.
taking everything else for granted.
and then asked, what's wrong?
certainly, there's nothing wrong with any and everything.
but if that's the kind of attitude we're gonna show, we'll lose everything we have.
simply because we don't bother.
then, when we lose it, we suddenly came to realise.
how much we really should have treasured it.
and looking at others who treasured.
you wished you've done that.
and you say even if it's hard, i would have pulled through.
but if someone can't even consider the most simple and basic of things.
what makes you think that they're gonna sustain whatever there is?
utterly ridiculous.

maybe it seems like i'm preaching again, but i'm not trying so.
it is just something that came off my mind.
and yet, we must admit that.
someone who realised it in the end.
is still better than one who never realise at all.

私は幸運な少女

2011-11-06T23:11:00.005+08:00

malu malu me. didn't realise today is PH. haish.
but never-mind, it still ended up quite productive :)

found the colour chalk in small packets outside at market there :)
happy happy. and i still do remember the trick that someone taught me.
gonna try it once more XP
and this time round, i shall challenge a level up.
hope i don't screw everything up though. hehe :)

come to think of it, i do know a lot of crafts.
and i seriously mean A LOT.
but that just also mean that, i'm good at none of them >.<
not specialised enough i guess.
and i just wanna try everything. bleah :)
but all these training definitely made my fingers much more nimble.
haha, imagine without them...
hoh my god, this rough gal wouldn't be able to do much with those fingers.
opps. phew...lucky i like doing random stuff.
absolutely random.
haha, and most are done at random timings too.
and i want to learn random stuffs too.
boooo, just being super random.

one day, i'll surprise people with the randomness in me.

someday. i'll build a large large jigsaw puzzle.
and somemore jigsaws. and more jigsaws.
till i can't find another space to place them anymore.
or maybe till i've no money to invest in them >.<
simply enjoyable simple things.

some passion never dies.
though forgotten, though weakened.
but it never ceased.
awaiting to be awakened.

2011-11-05T23:00:00.001+08:00

i need to start everything soon. as soon as i get my head right.
*turns it to the right* just kidding.

最可悲的不是别人不告诉你，而你无权过问。

想要什么呢？简单。
可不知就无从下手。

blah blah bleak sheet money money woo~
(evidence of how free and bo liao i can get)

がんばってみんな
勉強勉強です

2011-11-03T23:58:00.000+08:00

cheapo gal in action! :)
went around queuing for welfare packs XP

i think i ate much more ice cream these few days than i have from young till now.
but then, it's awfully awfully nice awfully chocolate :)
plus the daily scoop awesome durian durian.
and not forgetting oreo mcflurry :)
though i used to share it...

gv has kindly scheduled another special preview for starry starry night for us!!!
foc XP in return for the disruption that day...
now i suddenly love their customer service once again ><
(totally another sign of being cheapo)
who cares, what's wrong with that anyway? :)

omg, i think i'm high from eating that durian durian sia.
over-released of endorphins (which is weird since it's not sweet at all)
ohh, and nice nice sotongs :)
BLISSFULLLLLLLLLLL =P
i think i'm turning into a pig soonnnnn. haha :)
all i think about everyday is...
food, food and somemore food.
teeheehee, food is needed for survival, ain't that right ><
i'm so in love with the nice food.
anatamo.

2011-10-31T11:08:00.000+08:00

i realised i didn't mention this:
i passed my FTT on 24/10/2011
yay :) one more step closer to driving again! :)

i'll be alright.
zettai.

2011-10-30T01:13:00.000+08:00

放下所有，从新学习。:)

when did i become more and more like an adult?
like i start to own one of those mindsets that they owned.
the same one that we totally hated when we were younger.
talking to kids in the same old way.
i wonder what have time done to me...
but glad to say, i'm still as flexible.
not quite as rigid as yet :)
though it may mean less authority.
but i want respect out of sincerity.
respect because they want to :)
not because they need to.
因为那不是一种施舍。

issho ni, wareware wa hōyō

2011-10-27T20:17:00.000+08:00

stuck in school with make up seminar.
really auspicious timing. 7-10 pm ><
fgfgfrhhghfbgzahbgaqnhthygthshnjzahswy54trffgthyjhhhhmuyhxc jujswjuq76a,lilwii76wuysthatqh
*gibberish by lt*

and i still have quiz tomorrow :/
which i have yet to clear.
i'm getting lesser and lesser sleep these days
when will it come back to hit me again?
hmm, i hope not though. it's not pleasant at all.
trying to extend my hours, but it should be still in the healthy range right?
sleeping at 3 and trying to wake up at 7 isn't healthy at all.
at least 7 hours of sleep shall be my aim then :)

a forgetful gal who never learnt her lesson.
yepps, i'm forgetful.
but i learn my lessons.
especially hard ones.

2011-10-27T09:46:00.000+08:00

rain, rain go away.
why does it remind me of rhythm of the rain?
a song that i listen, sing and played. wow.

my godly pisang become air pisang ><
haha, but it's still edible though.
and i found another godly stuff, the mashed potatoes.
the one :)

fell again ><
i always feel like i'm partly responsible for my fall.
like i caused it.
which is totally true yesterday.
since i already stopped the bike in time.
then what happened next?
stunned.

what's the best thing to do after being in the rain?
get a big warm fuzzy hug
and gulp down a big bowl of hot soup :).

where else can it go?

off to settle my tutorials and work.
aiwohitsuyouanatawohitsuyou.

2011-10-24T21:27:00.000+08:00

有一种被骗的感觉。
我第一次实实在在地了解到。
原来被人背叛是如此。

我曾相信，就算全世界离我而去。
我会知道，那里还会容纳下我的。
现在，我不确定了。
可能，还是一样。
却又有一些不同了。

这样的我像个大笨蛋、大傻瓜。
那么轻易就相信。
不是我没能力。
只是我不想。
我情愿相信。

i'm disappointed. why did it end up like this.
why did it become like this.
why.

我不是不懂。
只是没想到。
竟然有一天。
沦落成这样。

如果，把自己内心最后一道信任都瓦解掉。
我会变得怎样呢？应该很恐怖吧。
多疑的一个人。是被逼出来的。

或许，真的是我的过错。
或许，是我造成这一切。
我承认。我不否认。
可就因这样，我更疑惑。
难道就这样，失去一切。
就这样，影响一切了吗？
原来，就那么一丁点。
可笑。
不知是不是自己呢？

这样子做，会让我失去信任。
你说的，却不是你做的。
何时你忘了自己的原则呢？
我看得起的，去哪了？

知不知道，我多么崇拜你。
知不知道，我多么依赖你。
其实只要你说，你不喜欢。
我会听的，真的。
为了你，我可以选择放弃。
为了你，我可以忍痛割爱。
你却不说。
怕伤害到我吗？
知不知道，这样我才真的被伤害呢？
我说过了。
我累，不是因为受到伤害。
是因为感觉到隐藏的伤害。
而不是来自于别人，是你。

我辛苦，你心疼。
那为何要弄我心疼呢？
我心疼的不是别人，是你。

还不了解吗？
在我心里，你永远是无人可及的。
落成这样的下场，很可悲。
就连我自己也开始怀疑。
是我的错吗？应不应该检讨检讨了呢？

是啊，或许我们太不一样。
我太年轻，什么都不懂。
这世界太危险、太复杂。
而我太单纯了。

单纯到相信。

谎言和谎言的相对。
我也无语。反正我也没权。
错在先，只好认了。

我只希望。
时间可以改变一切。

我不想后悔。
也不会后悔。

不要忘了，我是谁。

从这一刻开始，我会忘记。
所有的一切，当没发生过。

只是被刀划伤的伤口，就算愈合。
也必定留下疤痕。
不时地隐隐作痛。

2011-10-24T00:38:00.000+08:00

happy gal once again! ><
communication really is the key :)
and i really appreciate how my life is once more.

一天一天慢慢地过去。
只要不去在意，一眨眼。
时间就过去了。

我们长大了。
他们变老了。

是时候到我们主动关心了。
多放他们在心上吧。

哭过，就真的好了。

2011-10-23T13:30:00.001+08:00

没想到，我原来也那么脆弱。
那么的无助，无法控制一切。

男儿有泪不轻弹，只是未到伤心处。
只是未到伤心处。
或许就真的像他们说的一样。
没有经历过，不会懂。
懂，只是自己的坚持。
并不是自己真的了解。

我是不是很傻呢？
或许吧。

拥有着，却有冲动毁坏一切。
不清楚，能够从中得到什么。
却知道，毁坏不堪包括自己。
那么又为何呢？

为何如此折磨自己。

又不是已成为定局了。
我还有能力。
只要不怕会后悔。
不怕往前冲的时候，会被回忆绊倒。
那就够了。

那样就够了。
这样就够了。

没想到，我原来也那么懦弱。
那么的无能，无法付诸一切。

2011-10-22T17:30:00.000+08:00

那些年——胡夏
作曲：木村充利
填词：九把刀

又回到最初的起点
记忆中你青涩的脸
我们终于来到了这一天
桌垫下的老照片
无数回忆连结
今天男孩要赴女孩最后的约

又回到最初的起点
呆呆地站在镜子前
笨拙系上红色领带的结
将头发梳成大人模样
穿上一身帅气西装
等会儿见你一定比想像美

好想再回到那些年的时光
回到教室座位前后　故意讨你温柔的骂
黑板上排列组合　你舍得解开吗
谁与谁坐他又爱着她

那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱你　拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是你

那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉你　告诉你我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱着你
紧紧抱着你

2011-10-22T16:59:00.000+08:00

shagged from cycling yesterday. hmm, east coast to changi village then back again!!!
chiong ah, the endless road :)
i miss the godly goreng pisang >< so niceeeee ><
but i ain't getting as much muscle aches this time :)
(less tense plus warming up maybe?)
i wanna cycle more XP
*stares*

demoralised. i wish i could shut the world out from me.

why do words keep repeating themselves and ringing in my head.
damn sian. probably that's why i getting more headaches these days.
so painful and torturing.
i wish i could care less.

i don't want to worry about anything else.
can i stop worrying about anything else, please?

damn it. i feel the fear.
seriously, i'm afraid of myself :/

2011-10-20T10:34:00.002+08:00

cut my hair short on mon :)
剪掉三千烦恼丝。

那些年，我们一起追的女孩。
damn nice :)
but gv tiong really cmi.
start so late (maybe still can forgive on account on sound system problem)
play the sorry message and overwrite the song (not forgiveable, hmph)
rawr.

sherbet sherbet incident :)
生活中每一件小事，都可以是最愉快的事。
一口雪糕，尝出生活的美妙。

scratched scratch cards :)
as if we playing in arcade.
scratch, claim, then scratch again :)
lucky lucky stars =P

开始爱上自由的气息。

2011-10-17T01:36:00.001+08:00

爱情是人生的附属品。
当有一天，爱情变成了必需品时。
你就败给了爱情。

拥有一段美好的爱情不是一件必然的事。
更不是件偶然的事。
但其中的唯美却犹如机遇。
可遇不可求。

14/8
我喜欢你的善良，无时无刻都为别人着想。
我喜欢你的言语，轻声细语就能让我自信。
我喜欢你的思想，总是让我不得赞成敬佩。
我喜欢你的大胆，做就做不在意别人眼光。
我喜欢你的笑容，像阳光般照亮我的世界。
但我最喜欢的是能让你打从心里的开心，真正幸福。
因为我喜欢你，所以我一定会做到。

15/8
我喜欢你的体贴，无时无刻都为别人着想。
我喜欢你的言语，轻声细语就能让我安心。
我喜欢你的思想，总是不经意看透我心思。
我喜欢你的大胆，就算假装也会不顾一切。
我喜欢你的眼睛，像外星人般看穿了一切。
但我最喜欢的是你能让我打从心里开心，感受一丝幸福。
因为看见你的努力，所以我也会加油。

所谓幸福，是不断涌入的正面情绪。
参杂却无减快乐。
没事也一直傻笑。
傻傻的，对着空无一物的前方微笑。

实实在在，不是一种假象罢了。
让时间停留在那一刻、那一秒。
若不能，就让它一直重复不断。
每一秒，每一刻。

适度地握着，这样才不会从指尖溜走。

2011-10-15T13:14:00.000+08:00

canvassing for the first time. hmm, wad kind of tactics are they using. this world is so practical and i've seen it for myself, once again.

juniors graduation day. it has been one year, so fast. one year ago, i'm in the same shoes.

gahaha, in good mood these days. and seriously, why do i feel so relaxed bout uni life?
it's not relaxing at all.

2011-10-12T11:29:00.001+08:00

happy 600th post! hoh my god. it came this far :)
just checked that the blog started in oct 07.
so effectively, it has been here for 4 years.
and amazingly, it's still active!!!

那么没有恒心的我，竟然可以坚持那么久。
如果这份心能用在所有的地方，该有多好。

2011-10-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

朋友是什么？

是开心的时候想要第一个和他分享的人。
是伤心的时候不想让他知道、不想他操心的人。
难过、不想麻烦，却又希望他是第一个察觉、慰问的人。
会站在不远处，默默守候和守护着的人。
如果他有困难，你会毫不犹豫伸出援手。
相对的，你需要他时，他一定会出现的人。
无论是否常见面，却会一直挂念。
生活怎样？日子过得好吗？
会关心，但不会打扰。

在你得意的时候，会泼你一把冷水。
在你做错事的时候，告诉你你错了。
在你迷路时，带你且陪你找到出口。
在你伤心的时候，默默地得陪着你。
在你生气的时候，等你、让你消气。

朋友不在乎你的所有，只在乎是你。
朋友不介意你的一切，只因为是你。
朋友，是对对方的信任。
友情，是彼此下的投注。
无论有无回报，都不后悔。
只因为相信，那微妙的几率。
凑合着我和你。

朋友，是一生里必须承载的一个包袱。
可这包袱，真神。
竟然能减轻其他包袱的重量。

朋友，是一辈子都想抱着的两个字。

2011-10-11T14:35:00.000+08:00

I C UR FACE!

your face!!!
boo~

2011-10-09T10:53:00.000+08:00

omg, cannot believe i didn't submit my resume before or on friday when i've already completed it on wednesday. damn it. i can totally empathise with zm now. gosh, this is that feeling. like a fool, so stupid yet you can deny nothing. getting so tired. so fed up. means nothing at all.

uni life supposed to be the best time of our lives. hmm, i actually can see why but i don't really feel it. it's seemingly detached, yet linked at times. maybe after getting used to it, i can learn to enjoy it more. this kind of lifestyle. afterall, from this point on, there's no more enjoyment of school. no more learning environment. no more place that embraces your mistakes and foolishness. so, we should make full use of the last chance, shouldn't we?

话筒里的话，一直没有到达话筒的另一端。

传不出，没传出。接不到，没接到。

2011-10-08T23:11:00.000+08:00

hmm, missed the day, once again.

i don't really know. what i want to do with it though.

maybe i know. or maybe i planned to waste it anyway.

planning is an art.

because most of the time, it don't turn out as planned.

so why planned, i ask?

the sketchier the things start off,

the clearer they'll end being.

DIGIMON chasing again.

有一种追求，无悔无限。

有一种付出，无悔无限。

只因为，是你。

2011-10-07T14:34:00.000+08:00

long long time since i posted in school (referring to main compound since hostel is considered part of school too...haha) hmm, this is the effect of what is called freedom. no restrain from whatever usage of computers. no restrain from skipping classes. no restrain on almost every other thing in school. we are very much in control and in charge of who we are and who we want to become. the bad thing? you need to take every initiative to get whatever you want, which i'm not good in. seriously, chancing upon stuff is being look down upon. why should that be the case? aren't grabbing opportunities a good thing? it's good, but just not good enough. you're suppose to not only grab, but also create them. the exact same power used to empower you is the one that stripped you from reliance. rendered free.

if you could change just one thing in your life, what would you change? hmm, sounds like a question being enquired lots of time. if i can only change one thing, why would i want to change it in the first place? and what's the point of asking anyway, nothing will change. i wouldn't want to change any single thing in my life up till now, for changing them would mean that i'm gonna change whatever i'd experienced. this is mine, uniquely mine. for me, who i am now. and i believed every single person's experience, be it sweet or bitter, contributes to whoever he or she is. i'm satisfied with a stronger, happier me. so i wouldn't change anything, at all.

be it tired, be it shagged, be it overwhelming. once past, you'd say i've conquered every single one of them. not being conquered. so, never whine about how hard life is. it's a just test to what you can be. no matter whether you choose to pass or not, it's never the end. just one of the numerous to tell a bit more about you. slowly, you learn more things about yourself, not because you found them. you created them. based on the choice and decisions made. so never say, hate yourself. if you dislike, then modify it so much so that you'll like then.

miss my life, so i'll change it back, albeit slowly.
no matter how long i'll take, no matter how different it may seem.
i believe i can. so, i can.

白纸不一定要放上黑字的，对吧？

2011-10-06T23:59:00.018+08:00

喂，你知道吗？

有一天，我们相见了。
然后一天，你消失了。
我们从此离开彼此的世界，好比从不相识。
好恐怖。好不真实。
删除不掉。是你还是我。
若有一天，再次相见。
只能再说一句。

喂，你是谁？

2011-10-05T23:24:00.000+08:00

想念，却再也回不去。

僕も人生を見逃す。

睡一觉，醒来后，世界都变了。

それはもはや同じではありません。

可是，还不接受吧。

私はバカのようだ。

傻傻的，不知道怎么了。

それは秘密です。

2011-10-03T17:48:00.000+08:00

有一天，醒后的天空，昏昏沉沉。

am i really that strong? or it's just have yet to sink in?
it's absurd that i don't feel a thing.
maybe that's a even greater cause of worry.
or maybe, i just shut them off. brutally.

my mind feels so heavy these days...
accumulated shagginess sinking in i guess.
好不容易调好的身体，跑到哪里去了？
i feel in control, yet not really in control.
such a weird feeling.
hmm, should run more and stimulate the release of endorphins.
or maybe eat more chocolates (with side effects of getting more sick though)

i just wanna wanna hold on to everything i have.
lose nothing. none of them.
because if i choose to hold them.
it's definitely worth my hold.
i always tell myself that.
to not regret is to continue on.
grab the chance to modify it.
so much so that you'll not regret.
no point wallowing in despair and regret.
'cause nothing will change that way.

in a world where no trust may hold,
you only have yourself to rely on.
pathetic. fool.
to believe that miracles may happen.
just admit it and stop hurting yourself.
no one will be there to cure you.
self hurt then self cure.
what's the use?
stop doing redundant stuff.

今天的我，感觉很平静。
平静的可怕。
今天的我，感觉很幸福。
幸福的快乐。
明天的我，还会一样吗？

我闭上眼睛，不去理会。
因为当下最重要。

2011-09-30T16:40:00.000+08:00

just finished the series Digimon Xros Wars!!!!
first ever time that i finished following a series (hmm, i normally watch shows after they finished airing so that i can spam everything at one go =P) but yeah, still enjoyed it nevertheless. just goes to show how much i love Digimon :) and guess what, there's another series of Digimon airing soon!!!!!!!! wahahaha, although i think the name a bit lame, the boy hunter who leapt through time (it sounds like the girl one...hmm, any links? o.O)

dig this out from one of my files!!! all hand drawn by me and love the kindaichi drawing the best!!! :) seems like a long time ago and i've yet to fill up the rest of the spaces on the paper >< oops!
maybe i should spare some time to practice more...or maybe i should learn how to give myself my personal time. if not, chances are i'll deprive myself of it as i grow even older >< noooooo, 我不想，我不想长大。sian, say so much also no use, might as well don't say right?

how long more do i need to take to strike off the all-time to-do on the want-to-do-list? maybe, forever. since i always procrastinate >< no good. だめだめ。all think, no actions.

今日事，今日毕。
从小学起，却一直学不会。
你啊你，还真失败呢。

暴风雨后，会否有宁静的彩霞？
还是，那根本不是一场暴风雨。
而是暴风雨临近前的一个征兆。

2011-09-30T11:03:00.002+08:00

好累、好累。
有一种身心疲惫的感觉。

累的时候，囤积的负面情感很容易就跑出来。
一堆一堆莫名的悲伤、烦躁、难过、心酸、等等。

明明就想要快乐，可是正面的情绪却抵不过。
好假好假。

什么时候，会做回自己喜欢的事呢？
精力、时间、动力、毅力，缺一不可。
或许，再也做不回了。
但那只是自己的一个选择，又不是别无他选了呢。
是自己做的选择，就必须负起你的责任。

烦。

也不知道在烦什么。

厌。

讨厌、厌恶的自己。

不要再拿别人当出气筒了，可以吗？

2011-09-27T22:30:00.000+08:00

i have to admit.
snoozing it for this long, doesn't mean i don't need to wake up.
face it. you still need to open up your eyes and face the world.
it's not necessary a bad thing though.
enjoy the morning sun and the freshness.

我还是一样。
没变。
是时间，是距离。
改变了一切。

我们还是一样。
喜欢推卸责任。
是么？不是么？
骗谁呢？

不知道。
不想知道。
真不想知道。
真的不想知道。
还真的不想知道。
还是真的不想知道。

不懂是幸福。
傻傻的幸福。

2011-09-26T22:11:00.000+08:00

感觉到胸口洋溢着一阵阵的幸福。
平淡的，毫不夸张的，慢慢溢出。
却感到真实、朴实、温馨、窝心。
在我的呼吸里，隐藏着你的气息。
和你的每一句问候、每一句关心。
它们就像那不断灌溉泥土的养分。
加上细心的照料，让它茁壮成长。
谢谢你，不像我，从不轻言放弃。
你的努力，我看得见、感受的到。
不说出口，不是不懂、不是不管。
只是没有勇气承担说出口的重量。
抱歉，我只不过是个胆小的女孩。
放任一切，这种大事，我办不到。
但，默默耕耘，我却还能办的到。
相信自己，是迈向前方的第一步。

我相信。

2011-09-25T23:56:00.003+08:00

疯过，就更懂得平静的可贵。

静过，就更懂得疯狂的珍贵。

想过，就更珍惜不顾一切的冲动。

冲过，就更珍惜深思熟虑的冥想。

错过，就更清楚抓牢的重要。

抓过，就更清楚错失的痛心。

提过，就更明僚放下一切的轻松。

放过，就更明僚坚持提着的用心。

爱过，就更了解痛恨的痛楚。

恨过，就更了解爱里的幸福。

得过，就更害怕失去一切的时刻。

失过，就更害怕得不偿失的情况。

多种双面、多种无语。

却一直相扶相持着。

缺一不可。

人因情感而丰富。

人生因此而精彩。

2011-09-24T22:34:00.000+08:00

i felt normal. is that normal?

maybe i'm just a complicated mind.

that sought after unwanted perceptions.

if life's like a document.

then i would be able to.

delete parts of it.

edit parts of it.

add in new parts.

take out old parts.

or totally.

just erase the whole document.

the whole memory.

but life's ain't like this.

so i can't.

"it just take one night to get from me to you, but you can never be me again."

firmness in the tone and choice of words.

be proud, defiance against discrimination.

this is what i saw in that black girl.

how i wish.

how you wish.

reoccurring random fright dreams.

is that a signal?

i'll take it from there if it's one.

madness. me.

dive & dwell in the pool again.

you try & we shall see.

我只想做个平凡的人。

但平凡中，又带点儿不平凡。

2011-09-22T19:29:00.002+08:00

i PASSED my btt :) 50/50 lucky lucky XP

i'm one step nearer to driving! woots =P

做个乖小孩。

乖，勇敢。不哭。

乖，听话。不闹。

乖乖的小孩。

讨人喜。

知不知道，知不知道。

为了一切，放了一切。

是傻是福，是福是傻。

是不知道，也不知道。

怎么，会沦落成这样呢？

或否，也想变成这样呢？

2011-09-21T23:29:00.000+08:00

我在想，如果能不理会，那该多好。

但我不能。

就算想把头转开，我还是不忍。

或许是自己无能吧。

没有能力改变任何的东西。

是自己天真妄想什么会变。

又或许不想逼了吧。

我何尝不也是一样呢？

曾经的懵懂、胡闹。

不顾一切、不去理会。

人，总有一天会长大。

不一定一样时候，但终究一定会。

来得晚的、来得迟的。

也未必全然是件坏事。

不舍得，也不忍心。

但非得这样做吗？

或许是自己根本做不到。

只是在找借口敷衍罢了。

荒唐。

如果有一天，世界放弃了你。

而你却不肯放弃。

那或许还会有曙光。

但如果世界并没有放弃你。

而你却选择了放弃。

那么，一切已无法挽回了。
是你。自己。做的选择。

不要后悔。不要悔恨。

因为，除了你自己。

你别无他人可怨。

傻孩子们，都觉得当下是一切。

不晓得现在看不见的未来，总有一天会到来。

傻孩子们，都会不顾一切去闯。

不晓得现在所闯出的伤痕，总有一天会疼痛。

傻孩子们，都会闭上眼睛相信。

不晓得现在紧闭着的双眼，总有一天会睁开。

傻孩子们，你们真傻。

一傻再傻。

什么时候，你们会变聪明呢？

或许，只是不想变聪明。

因为聪明的孩子，再也感受不到傻傻的幸福。

好傻好傻，却没有人一生下来就是聪明的。

是什么，能让傻孩子们放弃那傻傻的幸福呢？

是那叫现实的残酷。

2011-09-19T23:54:00.001+08:00

i need more exercise, specifically more running...
let me gain the momentum back.

i smiled to myself.
maybe once more i'll try to learn.
学习生活中的大道理。

我喜欢微笑。我常常大笑。更喜爱傻笑。
生命里，欢乐无所不在。
只要不无视，肯正视。
总会有片刻的快乐。

你，快乐吗？

我，很快乐。

不用担心，我会过得很好的。
好到不需要别人来操心。
好到不需要别人来担心。
好到不需要别人来关心。
好到自己也不晓得，到底好在哪里？
或许，只想相信，我会好好的。

2011-09-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHIYI!!!

我们就这样，一起慢慢长大。

也要像这样，一起慢慢变老。

nice :)

i know how i'm gonna get control of my life again. but the question is, do i want to?

maybe yes.

probably not.

i'll just make do with whatever i have =)

life's just about changing and adapting.

knew it.

12星座女谁最伤不起

第一名：双子座

双子座的人很容易受伤，这个天生残缺的星座中，隐藏了太多的无奈与伤心。双子对待爱情很专情，不过大多时候是在确定关系以后，就是那种想依靠一辈子的时候，她们会做的尤其谨慎小心，生怕伤害了对方，可是正因为如此，她就要用一个人的心来承受两个人的快乐和伤悲。往往是双子受伤了，可是没有人知道，因为双子很难让人理解，有时候是刻意的自己隐藏，有时候是别人根本没有在意。如果你的爱人是双子，那么请你好好爱她，因为她真的不会自己寻找快乐，不会自己显示对你的无比用心，她们对你的爱会融化在生活的点点滴滴上面，而不会见到你就说我爱你。双子，真的伤不起。

2011-09-17T01:00:00.000+08:00

i miss my life.

but i can't rewind.

time never stops.

if i step back to look, can i ever be clear.

once more.

make me see the truth.

life's just a roundabout.

2011-09-14T23:35:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wonder, why do we need lessons?
to force ourselves to complete something.
to learn something with schedule.
if it's about interest, maybe then we won't need one.
but maybe not.

it's not as simple as we think it is.

if life is countable, then events aren't.
if life is uncountable, then the more events aren't.
but why then, do we still count them?
one by one.
singling every one out.
step by step.

time flew. whilst closing my eyes.
when i finally decide to open.
the sky has turned dark.
lights ceased.
and i've still yet to see.

dislike. hatred. negative emotions.
like. pleasant. positive emotions.
how can we impose a negative one on a positive one?
too painful. too unbearable.
too distorting. too unbelievable.
it's just too contradicting.

treasure. why don't you do?
just simply simple.
how i wish.

想想、走走、停停。
再次想想。或许不一样了。
起点、中途、终点。
再次回头。或许看不清了。

我们从哪儿来，往哪儿去？

不记得。也没关系了。
不想记得。也别想起。

2011-09-12T18:09:00.000+08:00

中秋节快乐！好久好久好久了...
this year should be the year i ate the least mooncakes, or the year my house has the least mooncakes. not even home on this day itself. but i still whacked a lot of pomelos :) best time of the year to eat them =) though my mum always say not good to eat so much, plus it's actually on sale whole year round...opps >< haha.

and i want to remember any promise made (if it's considered as one though)

为什么要把心找回来？只会让自己更加痛心罢了。
本来就已经麻木的情感，没有必要让它再次流动。

i'm feeling happiness.
tell me it's not a façade.
tell me it's not a dream.
if it's one, then can i don't wake up from it?
can i choose not?

选择的权力曾几何时落在我们手上了呢？

只靠感觉是不够的。
但不靠感觉，就什么都不是了。
宁可冒险。
舍弃不了的就是想得到的，对吧？

我们的生命如同一张白纸。
尽情挥洒、尽情涂鸦。
让它充满彩色的颜料。

2011-09-09T23:58:00.000+08:00

i got this feeling, that my mind, body and soul have stopped seeking.
they have sort of gave up syncing i guess?
maybe it was from then, almost 5years ago...

whenever i sit in a group, i felt the distance.
the distance i created between myself and the rest of the people.
is it just because they haven't gain the trust?
but since when, did the trust grow once again?
i thought i always based myself on intuition
but seems like i don't even wan to rely on it anymore.
less than 3years ago, i said it was no longer like jigsaw puzzle.
now i realised, i wasn't even prepared to be a piece of a new jigsaw puzzle.
i'm not committed to become one.
it's not only about afraid, it's much more than that.
but i can't describe it.
maybe i'm just contended with what i already have.
and i do not wish to get tangled up in another mess of strings.
though there are certain ones that i'll be willing.
but no one appreciated.
the effort, albeit small, i put in.
and slowly, even the small bit disappears.
可悲？只是在做一种回应。
不要怪我，也不见得是我想要的。

有时候，觉得莫名的孤单。
就算置身于闹市、人群中。
有时候，觉得莫名的无助。
就算身边的人都伸出援手。
有时候，觉得莫名的难过。
就算想哭却哭不出的无奈。
有时候，觉得莫名的奇妙。
就算能怎样还是不能怎样。

这世界，已经变了。
变得不属于我们的。

2011-09-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

i'm lost. in this ever big world.

my world never did shrink.

it only became bigger and bigger.

and till a time,

i can no longer see any boundaries.

i can no longer differentiate.

i can no longer delimit.

whatever i can.

was just before.

passée.

我们最常碰到的不过如此：

萍水相逢

君子之交

刻苦铭心

伯牙绝弦

淡薄如云烟，却深刻如烙印。
铭记。难忘。

2011-09-06T23:24:00.001+08:00

一片片剥落。
一层层脱落。
一点点、一些些。

菱角，慢慢地被磨平。
真实，慢慢地被揭晓。

已经没有选择的余地。
从弱点暴露的那刻起。
只能毫无保留地相信。

我的一切，你懂吗？

2011-09-06T00:57:00.003+08:00

things are starting to pile up.
and i find myself short of time. amazing.
maybe i should do reshuffling, again.

我明了。

2011-09-05T01:48:00.002+08:00

sometimes, someone.

it just slipped my mind.

but it came back, unknowingly.

i thought i would let it go.

i thought i can let it go.

but i can't.

maybe, i'll learnt it one day.

whatever i'm supposed to learn.

but learning is a life-long process.

isn't it?

我怀念，以前单纯的美好。

我想念，以前无忧的笑容。

我猜想，以前是否是这样。

我确定，以前再也回不去。

我了解，以后才是重要的。

今天的我和昨天的我说再见。

它要去找明天的我说声你好。

放弃、遗弃是否必然呢？

还是只是一种选择呢？

read this:

双子座的情痴恐怕要比自己的脑细胞还要多，没错，双子是痴情的国度。通常双子座的人一旦用情都会很深，所以他们陷阱去的时候，想走回来恐怕很难了。敢爱敢恨是给这些双子情痴的一个鼓励，他们对于爱情很看重，在乎感情上的事显然要比对待工作上进的多。再说说真正的双子情痴一般爱过了就不会后悔，只是心中的创伤比较难以康复。

haha, so gemini babies aren't that 花心 too :)

maybe they are just doing routine reflection.

徘徊在人群中，不断寻找。

寻找另一个自己。

孤单。落寞。

2011-09-04T00:44:00.000+08:00

i should be so contented with life.

i should be so happy about life.

i should be so enthusiastic in life.

should be.

sometimes, it's enough.

to know you lived in someone's heart.

they always tell us, live for yourself.

not for an unrelated someone.

but if there's no one you want to live for except yourself,

aren't you a bit sad?

we already have no choice over a lot of things.

we don't have a choice over our parents.

we don't have a choice over when we are born.

we don't have a choice over where we are born.

we don't have a choice over what is our first name.

and there's still a lot of other things that we don't choose.

we go with the flow. to where ever it brings us to.

so, why do we still give up the right to choose for the limited things left?

those things that really matter in life.

to choose is to give a choice.

it's your choice.

totally personal.

no strings attached. you sure?

it depends.

whether your choice affect any other person.

which would likely to be a yes.

maybe that's why.

maybe.

属于自己的，别人带不走。

别人带走的，不属于自己。

何必呢？

折磨别人，痛了自己。

闭上眼睛，盖起耳朵，不去理会。

traumas, reoccurring.

grab lest it past.

refill, refilled.

happy.

girl.

moments tracked. recorded.

entirely different.

女孩的心声之沉默

2011-08-29T13:00:00.002+08:00

默默地，我们成长着。

女孩坐着，望着前方，不发一语。放空，不顾任何异议的眼光和言语。许多人来了又走，有些看，有些问，有些学。但最终，还是没人了解。女孩的沉默不语，不是与生俱来，而是锻炼出来的。曾经，女孩和其他人一样，喜欢说话，喜欢谈天，喜欢无所不谈。女孩从来没想过，原来有一天，她也会放弃说话的权力。女孩讶异，自己能够坚持至如今。

或许是当世界离女孩而去的时候，也或许是当女孩选择离世界而去的时候，女孩爱上沉默。女孩不再相信言语的一切。因为，就算多么俏丽的言语，都比不过完美的沉默。女孩终于懂了，沉默是金的道理。

当女孩的世界不再喧闹，平静就随之而来。

默默地，享受着平静。

沉默，是女孩面对一切的选择。

或许有些不负责任。但却不会不负一切责任。

沉默，是女孩承受一切的选择。

或许有天会不能负荷。但还是逃避的一种吧。

如果，能够不再沉默，该多好。

或许，不该开始沉默，多愚蠢。

但是，已经做了选择，不回头。

女孩，你是多么坚强，多懦弱。

默默的，我们长大了。

2011-08-28T14:57:00.001+08:00

某天早晨醒来，突然不记得自己是谁。

活着是为了什么，也一并忘记了。

该做什么呢？

重新学习。

如果，能如此轻易的按下删除键。

如果，按了就能如此轻易的删除。

那么，我们的选择是否还一样呢？

或许一样。又或许不同吧。

何必在意呢？

我们都有自己的生活。

跳跃不过的就是从前。

那为何继续执迷不悟？

何不选择能跳跃的呢？

或许我们会比较快乐。

可能吧。

placing attachments to attached

2011-08-27T23:24:00.001+08:00

when people post you the question, "are you attached?"
what would you first think of?

no prize for the right guess, we're trained to think of it as whether you are in a relationship, specifically a boy girl relationship.
but sometimes, i just wonder...why should this be the case?
if the word attached is exclusive for one single person, then does it mean that you're detached from the rest of the world?
probably not.

so, what makes us think that attached should be used in this way?
i can be attached to anybody, anything.
it might be non-human.
it might even be a non-living thing.
it may not even exists in our world.
so what are these called then?
aren't we attached to them too?

attached is never an exclusive word.
it lives independently in every different realm.
if we forcefully attach an attachment to attached, then where else can others go?

i'm attached, to the many things in my life.
aren't you too?
so why, are we saying no?
why are we placing all the emphasis on one, making it seems as if it was the one and only?
why then, neglect?
why then, forget?
why then, ignore?

maybe it's just how the language has evolved.
maybe we have just come to accept it as a fact of life.
but, shouldn't we remind ourselves...
it's never a fact.
it's not as solid as it seems to be.
it's not what we think, but what we feel that is true.

some may not agree.
maybe, most do not agree.
but it's just my opinion.
no offence.
'cause i treat that word in the exact same way.
up till now.
and i have no confidence to say that.
i'll give it my own definition.
'cause we live in societies.
where norms are still norms.
defiance, are not permitted.
maybe, one day.
it'll get accepted.
just maybe.

life's just so full of attachments.
being attached is just the way of life.
it doesn't matter whether you're single or not.
it just don't matter.
'cause deep down, something definitely tugs you.
something somewhere at sometime.
so, don't say you're not attached.
it's just so not true.

being attached and detached at the same time takes up most of our lives.
we deny it. 'cause we don't want to recognise its existence.
we do not want to admit.
how our lives are so bluntly plain.
how attached we get.
yet, at the same time, detached.

redefine your life.
redefine it. for you can :)

2011-08-25T23:36:00.000+08:00

颤抖。

什么时候开始，我的手已不由自主了？

跑啊跑，赶啊赶。

到达，却还是抵不过。

颤抖。

可能就是唯一的弱点吧。

控制不住的弱点。

无法抵赖的弱点。

2011-08-22T10:58:00.000+08:00

lucky and happy :)

i getting my new phone, new number, new line soon le.

omg, i did change, right? when did i ever want to get bounded by a line?

人是会变得。我不得不承认。

my request is processed! yay :) not more shag fridays.

i'll learn to manage my time more. not more shag-ness

please. let me learn it the right way.

再次学习，来得比首次学习更难。

我要学做一个聪明的女孩。

2011-08-20T01:29:00.000+08:00

shagged.
有些事情，经历了才会明白。
有些感触，经历了才会明白。
有些人，一辈子都不想明白。

握着手中的线，时而放松，时而拉紧。
不愿放手，亦不愿抓牢。
矛盾的自我，是给谁空间和自由呢？
真的只是这样吗？

如果不把自己放在第一位，会得到或失去什么呢？
我不晓得，应该也不会发觉吧。
我早已慢慢学习，自己放弃那个位子。
因为世界并不是为我一人而转。
我知道。我明了。
但要舍弃，需要勇气。
更需要坚持。
坚定的坚强。

大雨后的天空，是否会绽放彩虹呢?
我，还在期待。

2011-08-16T00:51:00.000+08:00

吸气。吐气。做深呼吸。
拿起。放下。做个了断。

我就是喜欢自己，自恋狂。
我就是喜欢追踪，跟踪狂。
我就是喜欢做事，工作狂。

无论什么狂，都比不上疯狂。
因为，疯了。
就能不顾一切了。

2011-08-15T10:33:00.000+08:00

如果想要分离，就连一点小事都能拿来当理由。
如果想要见面，就连一个理由都不需要来敷衍。

如果想要幸福，就得接受开怀大笑的实际存在。
如果想要得到，就得付出人们口中所谓的代价。

如果想要却不敢要，那就算了吧。
一切就算原本属实，也没意义了。
不是爱不起，只是伤不起。
不是不爱你，只是伤不起。

2011-08-15T00:23:00.000+08:00

瞬间，一霎那。

变化，不停歇。

看透了，就不用再猜了吗？

看破了，就不用再理了吗？

看尽了，就不用再想了吗？

如果，一切都尽在不言中。

那么，不语能抵过一切吗？

微笑，是要发自心底地笑。

可是，已经忘了如何做到。

遗忘，一霎那。

回忆，不停歇。

2011-08-14T23:54:00.001+08:00

finally starting to pick up listening to radio again...why is it only when we realised how much we need it, then we start to get attached again? why lose it in the first place? there are some things in life, once past, never again.

anyway, caught 郁可唯 on radio and i realised heard her before previously. shall recommend two songs that i like by her 伤不起 and 指望 :)

郁可唯——指望

词：潘协庆 曲：潘协庆

怕不怕被拒绝

怕不怕被省略 

你怕不怕被沦落在宿命中妥协 

当真爱宣告残缺 

骄傲的玫瑰正一片一片枯萎 

尽管你抱歉 忏悔 

真心一旦坠跌就不能飞 



别指望我谅解 别指望我体会 

爱不是点头就能挽回 

快乐或伤悲没什么分别 

心碎到终点会迎刃而解 



别指望我谅解 别指望我体会 

爱不是注定要甜填你的缺 

太多的是非 来不及杜绝 

更不想依恋这残缺的美 

残缺的迂回 



伤不起——郁可唯
作曲：饶善强
填词：林夕

就像一个梦想　只能　想像
就像两个气球　不容　碰撞
说声很有感觉　简单　承认真实相处的感觉　很难
一点点不安　就挂在心上

不是爱不起　只是伤不起
只知道坚持脆弱浪漫　不知道谁不自量
还难过　谁能忘　以为追求完美却又经不起受伤
既然欢乐变成负担　只有不欢而散

就像咖啡只能　不断　加糖
就像亲吻不曾　预备　心酸
只会接受相拥感动　不愿面对抱头痛哭　难堪
悲伤到这样　也只能这样

不是爱不起　只是伤不起
只知道坚持脆弱浪漫　不知道谁不自量
还难过　谁能忘
以为追求完美却没想过会受伤
既然欢乐变成负担　只有　不欢而散

不是不爱你　只是伤不起
不断在分享没想过分担
一直朝　泡影　莽撞
才失望　就绝望
以为追求完美变成两败俱伤
既然欢乐变成负担　活该　不欢而散

2011-08-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

comparison.

i'm different. so are you.

then why?

why ask, when you know the answer.

why speak, when you know silence is better.

why am i still here?

i asked myself.

but i cannot answer.

for i do not have an answer.

放空。眼眶却湿了。

flip, flips and flipped

2011-08-11T10:18:00.001+08:00

angry bird! haha, not a fan of it, but i flew its kite! omg, super happy XP

although in between there's a minor mishap, it's not biggie since we got back the kite and everything in proper order :) oh, forgot to say, that happened on national day...a bit lag, but still, it's clear as yesterday.

it's there! do you see it? haha, too bright, too high le.

we walk down the lanes, telling each other it'll be alright.

we took different paths, but we know we'll be side by side.

it's sometimes amazing, how things are pieced together.

but at the same time, how they're separated.

we may be right beside, but nothing's the same any more.

some things in life are just façade.

seemingly true but never before.

i hope. i pray.

but when all surfaced, nothing really changed.

it's still me and us.

it's just that

we're a little further

just a little.

even if it's self deceiving,

i'll continue to convince myself with it.

'cause i cannot give up.

曾经努力的一切，难道就得变成莫须有吗？

我情愿相信，只是我单方面的想象。

并不属实。

我突然害怕，却无力抓牢。

更了解到，要努力抓紧的，根本就不属于你的。

如果说，时间能淡化一切。

那放手，还能得回一切吗？

为什么一定要尝试经历呢？

我没有信心，能像以前一样掌管大局。

因为大局，已离我们而远去。

我们的成长，承受得住这样的蜕变吗？

我开始怀疑，请让我再次相信一切吧。

小小的变化，是为将来做的准备。

我宁可守住这样的信念。

即使没有人认同。

因为，我们早已超乎想象。

2011-08-08T23:59:00.045+08:00

things are starting to fly around me and before i realised it, we're already in it. i hope the flow will bring us through, even when we're down and stressful =) if we can catch and hold whatever we believe in, we'll always be wheezing past. yesterday, we're waving to say bye. today, we're waving to say hi. tomorrow, we'll be waving to say both hi and bye. while some things change, some remain. we can only hope that whatever is changed or kept would be the better =) let's inhale, then exhale again.

以前总说的，是这样吗？

这样深呼吸，感受自由。

闭上眼冥思，想象未来。

睁大眼看清，眼前一切。

无言不语的，契合相投。

以后总做的，会一样吗？

2011-08-07T01:43:00.000+08:00

going to start uni really soon...and i'm finally moving in soon to my even-further-away-from-school-compared-to-home hostel :) but yet, i'm looking forward to everything, because school is finally starting (heave of relief)

ups and downs today, oh no, yesterday, haha.
LaFondue, great place, great fondues =)

my bouquet of flowers :)

喜欢、喜爱一并求存的世界

2011-08-03T14:50:00.000+08:00

如果说喜欢是一种负担，那么爱就是一种责任。
人类最爱逃避的负担与责任，绕一圈，又回到自己的身边。
是自己把头放入圈里，再用手套牢。
人类为自己上了枷锁，却还在拼命寻找钥匙。可笑。

喜欢一个人，可以是默默的，毫无痕迹。
喜欢一个人，也可以是轰轰烈烈的，不顾一切。
爱一个人却不一样。

喜欢一个人，你会迁就。爱一个人，你会要求。
喜欢一个人，你会改变。爱一个人，你会坚持。
喜欢一个人，你会怀疑。爱一个人，你会质问。
喜欢一个人，你会配合。爱一个人，你会任性。
喜欢一个人，你会生气。爱一个人，你会吵架。
喜欢一个人，你会忍着。爱一个人，你会翻脸。
喜欢一个人，你会大气。爱一个人，你会小气。
喜欢和爱的分别，微妙却存有差异。

很多时候，当喜欢转为爱时，大家都说，我们变了。
变得不适合了。
只因如此。
跨越不了的还是那一道栏槛，同一道，并无差别。

因为爱，所以选择放手。选择不伤害。选择成全。
多么伟大，又多么可悲。
把自己委屈渺小化，不也是自己承受不起吗？
若无法承受，当初为何要坚持呢？
当所有坚持化为乌有，何非抵赖一切呢？
坦然，却非你我都做得到。

当爱，成为一个理由，一种借口。
那么爱，已不复存在了。

2011-08-01T00:55:00.000+08:00

to step into a world and imprint your footsteps was never hard...

the thing that is really hard is to remain encapsulated in the world.

if the simple action of stepping in is tough and hard,

would the reverse then be true?

ever since the snow globe world shattered, nothing would mend the glass.

picking up every single piece with bare hands, the glass only cuts and bleeds.

i say, why try? when nothing we do will change anything.

because at least we tried our best. at least.

and we hope one day, we would realised.

that there's no big deal about shattered glass pieces.

even if we try to pick it up again, we would learn to put on protective gears.

we may rebuild a new snow globe, or forsake the idea totally.

and learn to blend in to the big world outside.

in the midst, we may lose ourselves...

but i hope in the end, we would still be able to find our way out.

getting back to where we come from is not what is desired.

but as we move forward, we retain the past in the garden of memories.

the garden that is seemingly empty.

yet never able to be emptied.

look up and you'll see the sky.

ever changing, ever interesting.

2011-07-29T23:53:00.000+08:00

went badminton outing with yy, xh, lt and lt's sister, jq...
had lots of fun, especially at the start. with all the weird actions and expressions, xh made me laughed like mad. i was like, is laughing part of my warming up? haha, and lt totally was saying "nxh, see you make me lose my team mate!" haha, i kept laughing and cannot aim and play properly lo ><

rawr, rawr, uni life starting soon le!
with all complaints and grumbles, i hope we'll still survive well :)

明天会更好。

2011-07-25T00:18:00.000+08:00

一见如故。

好像失散多年的亲人，
更像失去联络的朋友。

再次相见，再次微笑。
失去过，是不是更懂得珍惜呢？

一声叹息，一阵惋惜。
后悔，未必能挽留任何东西。
再多也不过是之前的感触罢了。

我想，我还在学习吧。
人生的练习题。

2011-07-25T00:14:00.000+08:00

文字，是心情的写照。
心情，是文字的写照。
复杂的关系，相互影响，却缺一不可。

2011-07-25T00:12:00.000+08:00

你听又何妨，不听又何妨呢？
我无权过问，无权逼任何人。
就算是自己，也未必有分别。
一样的结局，是无奈是可笑。

2011-07-25T00:10:00.000+08:00

自我保护。
是一个劝告，是一个理由，是一个借口。
是人类无意识中，就会做的事。
但无意里做的事，太多了，数不清了。

2011-07-25T00:08:00.000+08:00

有一天，我会发现，其实并没有什么。
没有什么，值得去怀疑。
没有什么，值得去心烦。
没有什么，值得去关心。
没有什么，值得去欣喜。
没有什么，值得去开心。
没有什么，值得去难过。
没有什么，值得去争取。
没有什么，值得去拥有。
没有什么，值得去珍惜。
没有什么，值得去后悔。
到最后，我会发现，真的没剩什么了。

pause, rewind & play

2011-07-24T14:21:00.000+08:00

bought my own very first laptop on 21/7 :)
it's PINK o.O and sitting in front of a laptop means i'm going to be online whatever time i want. niahaha, even if it is an auspicious timing :)

kbox with qh on 22/7 :)
part 2 and not a single 梁静茹 song (haha, for the promise we made the other time)
yet, there are still some miss-outs, which happens for almost all k sessions XP
yay, and this time round, the recording machine works!!!
finally...and we mass spammed it (though not all songs we sing are nice ><)
but as what we always say, it for personal use only XP

full day out, tuition day on 23/7
the only difference? 梁静茹爱的那一页世界巡回演唱会新加坡篇！
XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD
first ever 演唱会 watched! and i never regret buying the tickets!!
omg lo, was k-ing, especially towards the end!!! rawr :)
moments that are captured, not by cameras, but by memories :)
thanks mao, for forcing me to get the tickets and accompanying me go.
if not, i think i may just let it pass, once again...
experienced the calmness in me. come to think of it, it's amazing.
how i can still talk and laugh now :)
lady's luck on our side. 傻人有傻福。

回忆在倒带，生活在前进。
平衡，那一瞬间。

2011-07-22T01:25:00.001+08:00

我害怕。深陷沼泥之中...
我更害怕，抽身后泥浆满面。

自私，因为怕自己受到伤害。
大气，因为怕别人受到伤害。
评价只因人物的改变而改变。
但，实际上，举动并无任何改变。
所以呢？又何来的分别？

我承认，自己并不勇敢。但，要提起勇气，就必须有一个服人的理由。
没有服人的理由，就没有说服的能力。
但说服，却偏偏不只靠张嘴。

如果铨了链，上了锁，是不是就不会再逃了呢？
还是，只会挣扎的更多呢？
我相信，后者多于前者。

如果注定只是过路云烟，是不是应该先学会松手呢？

2011-07-18T14:50:00.000+08:00

if a photo captures a moment,
then can the moment captured be retained forever?
even if a moment is captured,
will it ever be reflective of the whole situation?

i, highly doubt so.

如果说世界为我而转，身为世界的中心点，动则乱，不动则安。
但曾几何时，世界会为我而转呢？
我们只是大体下的小家，又怎能奢望呢？
如今，就连封闭在自己的世界里，也必须顾及他人的感受。
我们好像忘了，联系着大家的世界里，总会有空隙的存在。

我们就像在走钢索，步步为营。

女孩的心声之感慨

2011-07-13T01:20:00.000+08:00

记忆里记载着最远古的感动，是无法被取代的。

女孩打开抽屉，把一个精致的小礼盒拿出来，望了望，又放回原来的位置。女孩每次不开心时，都会做出相同的举动。即使自己没有发现，女孩还是潜意识地去搬动那盒子。每次朋友都看见女孩挪了挪那盒子，却从未看见女孩把盒子打开。朋友纳闷，试探着问女孩，为何不把盒子打开呢？女孩不语，只对着前方的空白发愣。由始至终，除了女孩，没人知道。那盒子里，究竟隐藏着什么秘密？

时间一长，人们渐渐失去兴趣、慢慢淡忘遗忘。
时间再长，人们渐渐恢复兴趣、慢慢记起问起。

但，女孩坚持不言。

终于有一次，在众人的推拉挤压下，女孩不小心松了手。原本握紧在手心的礼盒也因此落地。礼盒摔坏了，盖子和盒身分离了。这时，大家争先恐后地想一睹盒中物究竟是什么？原来是一张已经发黄的信纸，夹带着一张也发黄的照片。字迹模糊不清、图色模糊不清。众人不明白，这难道就是女孩仔细收藏的秘密吗？不太可能吧。

在众人议论纷纷时，却没发现女孩瘦小的身影正躲在一个角落。女孩默默地拼凑，希望把支离破碎的回忆拼凑完整。女孩却发现，无论自己多么努力，也无济于事。女孩沮丧，就连那一丁点回忆也被夺走，没剩了。

女孩缅怀的过去，只活在礼盒中。

最熟悉不过的一切，只是自己一厢情愿罢了。
唯独感动，挥之不去。

2011-07-07T13:34:00.000+08:00

如果能重来...
或许我会拒绝一切。

说我傻，我不在乎。
说我笨，我不愿置评。

如果相信，如果握紧
是不是就不会从指尖溜走了呢？
我不肯定，我不确定
仿佛置身于黑白中的灰色地带。
是我的问题，是我自找的，对吧？

このままでい。你说的。真的吗？

2011-07-05T00:19:00.002+08:00

倒数着一天又一天
计算着一日又一日
反反复复
颠颠倒倒
好像在和时间赛跑
好像在追赶着时间
却看不清终点
却看不清未来

2011-06-28T21:59:00.000+08:00

spent my day reading every single blog post again. surprised that i have the patience to do so :) but the feeling is nice, able to see the change and the things that happened again. this inspires me to write more blog posts :)
my carefree life going to end soon...starting uni le. going need study again :( but i sort of miss school life also, although not the exams part. but think of work after all this deters the idea of starting. rawr.

不知自己要的是什么，只好继续前进...

2011-06-18T22:53:00.000+08:00

三年K班，亦是本书，也是回忆的倒映。让我重回到校园时代的喜怒哀乐。

曾经的努力拼搏，为的是换取什么呢？

2011-06-05T22:05:00.000+08:00

时间在流逝，我还在做什么呢？
一步一步来算，一次一次来计划。
我闭上眼睛，想象着未来。
未来，曾经是多么遥远的一个名词。
但如今，却逼近我们。
让我们不得不认真思考起来。

2011-05-19T00:24:00.000+08:00

如果说休息是为了走更长远的路，那么离别真是为了下次见面的准备吗？
也不见得啊。

如果说失望与否和自己设的期望有关，那么设很低很低的期望是不是就不会感到失望了呢？
不一定吧。

人是贪心的，既要一，也要二，更要三和四。
细细数起，却永远数不清。
我们追求的是什么呢？
完美、无懈可击...
可它们是否真实的存在呢？
还是只是遗留在梦影中呢？

2011-05-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

yay!!! back from genting trip with fy.
short but nice trip...love the cooling weather there (big contrast to current weather in singapore)

擦身而过的相遇，是有或无缘呢？
一切是冥冥中的安排吗？
聆听，你我都做得到吗？
细微但却并不渺小。

*hibernates*